Part two moves too slowly AND too quickly, intercutting among several POV characters (all in third person), sometimes spending too much time with a character, and sometimes spending too little time, and at this point, I don’t know if any of that time is interesting.
To fix the problem with part two, I should either change the structure, or prune, prune, prune the text. I’ll probably start by pruning, because the structural changes would be massive; I’d have to import sections from part three, which would add even more characters and POVs to the already crowded cast of part two. If I could, I’d let Maggie carry the entire POV for part two, but I’d like the readers to care about the other part-two characters, an effect that would be undermined if I omit their POVs.
The world in part two has to be appealing. If it isn’t, a sequel to Eyes on the Mountain will be less enticing.
Of course, no one has read part two except for me. Maybe it’s better than I think. But probably not. 🙂
(That sticky note on the page says, “Pestle interference @ ends seems irrelevant . . . “, which isn’t the sort of note I want to be leaving myself.)